It is rare for animals to receive one cruel word or act and for them to be devastated as a result, for the rest of their lives.
However, we cannot say the same for humans.
Many individuals who seem competent and capable on the outside, are plagued by one or more experiences from their early lives, which has impacted their relationships, their success, their self-confidence and their health. Other individuals have not even been able to begin the charade to pretend that they are really ok.
It does not need to have been an extended or extreme experience to have traumatised someone.
It crossed my mind the other morning how just one comment from a teacher, received by a young child, at a vulnerable or inattentive moment, can indeed have created a lasting, devastating impact.
As a mother, I have seen the impact on my son from teachers – fortunately he is rebellious enough to be making his way, now, confidently, but it might not have been that way.
I have many clients, for whom the source of their severe discomfort which had extensively limited their lives, stemmed from such an early experience.
As I think about this phenomena, it could certainly be seen as a form of PTSD.
Often it is not that exact moment when the teacher shouted at them, that caused their trauma but perhaps how they thought they were perceived by their class mates at that moment. Thereafter, fearful of being similarly shamed or exposed, they became reluctant to offer answers, then they began to tell themselves that they were stupid, or just couldn’t do particular activities or subjects.
In early childhood, children tend to take personal responsibility for happenings – particularly other’s rage. The fact that something might have been happening in the teacher’s life or mind which caused them to react as they had, does not occur to little children. They are trapped in that moment when they glimpsed the expression on a friend or classmate’s face (which also could have had more to do with relief at not being on the receiving end of the teacher’s reaction) and thought it was the confirmation that their friend/classmate also thought they were stupid. These stories can continue for all of some people’s lives if not corrected/dismantled. It really can be extremely damaging.
Such events become transformed (for some) into limiting beliefs and identities, seeing themselves as someone who just couldn’t ‘do maths’, or sport, or learn a foreign language, or be artistic or speak in public, and so on.
Such limiting beliefs are then shored up as they then look for any further evidence that they are how they had chosen to define themselves. So, not only did they become risk averse, but they also begin to see themselves always through other people’s eyes. This results in lack of confidence, and often an inability to trust their own judgement about their own worth.
When people are spending time justifying to themselves why they are where they are in terms of success or lack of it (because of these early disturbing experiences), they are not living in the present. They may not even be aware of what is around them right now. They are not able to be relaxed, present, effective, make effective decisions, or relate to others well. This can have huge and accumulative impact on their relationships, their careers, and their physical and mental health.
Integral Eye Movement Therapy (IEMP) can remarkably unravel such deep-seated trauma and miss-held beliefs, and very unobtrusively. It is speedy and very effective. Then with NeuroLinguistic Programming (NLP), you can begin building new patterns of action, to build new beliefs and new patterns to replace the gap now left by the dissipated old negative beliefs and feelings.
